Just Start


Change your mind as many times as there are ripples in the sand. But just start.

Wherever you are, just start.

I beg of you, start.

Don’t force it to be perfect or good or done, just start. It’s okay. Take a deep breath, and do that very first thing to move you in the direction you want to go. Just start.

Don’t wait for the right moment or the time or the money or the support system. Once you start, some of that will appear. Other parts you’ll have to work toward diligently and passionately and aggressively. Or just calmly and methodically.

But just start.

What’s that thing you wanted to do? Eat healthy? Lose weight? Pick up a new hobby? Deepen or change your current hobby? Connect with a stranger? Connect with your own family and current friends? Disconnect from Facebook or Instagram or poisonous relationships?

What’s that thing nagging at you right now? Wouldn’t that be fun? Wouldn’t that be… authentic? Do something, do anything, and just start.

It’s okay.

What I’ve come to realize, but I’m still working on, is that the world needs more people to live their true lives. It does no good to just live, to simply move the pieces of paper from one side of our desks to the other. We must attempt to thrive as often and as deeply as possible.

What are you waiting for? No, really, what are you waiting for? Is it ever going to be easier? If it really is, what are you doing now to move toward a space in which you can explore this thing you’re thinking about? Or maybe easier isn’t the answer. What about, just, different?

Pick something, anything. Start in the middle or the end or, if you’re feeling extra saucy, the beginning.

Just start.


A few years ago, I got in the habit of planning my weekends the same way I planned workouts and meals. Near the beginning of the week, I would find something fun to do the next weekend – maybe a new thrift shop to explore, a historic site to tour or a trail to hike. Even if it was only an activity to occupy a couple hours on Saturday afternoon, I found I loved having something to look forward to.

When I fall out of the habit, the weekend slips by, and I start the next workweek feeling restless and moody – I didn’t take advantage of the time! I didn’t actually do anything!

Now that I’m single again, I’m finding that planning to be so much more important than it was when I was in a relationship. I can easily waste away a whole day with Netflix and laundry, just to find the next day a frantic rush to clean the apartment, ride the horse, get to the gym, buy groceries and not do anything out of the normal routine.

I’m sick of watching my weekends slip away unnoticed. I’m tired of feeling like I’m just treading water, not actually moving toward the goals I say I want to accomplish.

Better is not the aim right now; better is arbitrary and kind of pisses me off these days. Authentic is what I’m going for.

By my count, there are 11 more weekends of 2016. That’s 11 opportunities to explore something local, try something new, work toward something you’ve been saying you’re going to make time for.

What are you waiting for?

Camping With Kelley

img_69481With my head tilted uncomfortably against the back of the camp chair, and I stare at the sky above our little clearing in the woods. Even though there are no clouds to obscure the view, the stars don’t pop like I thought they might – we’re too close to San Antonio, and the moon is too bright. The combination leaves the campsite comfortably dark, but not oppressively so.

Until I’m in nature, I forget how bright the night is. In the city, night means darkness, shadowy corners, a hyper awareness to every sound.

Among the low trees of this Texas forest, cicadas, tree frogs and crickets chorus loudly around the campsite.

It’s been awhile since I’ve slept outside, although I’ve started opening the balcony door to my bedroom to avoid running the air conditioning. I’m afraid I won’t sleep well, that the shockingly loud noises of the woods will distract me, but sitting there soothes me, makes my soul quiet.img_69611

The wood we get to make a fire and cook dinner is wet, but I learn that perseverance is key. And dryer lint. And lighter fluid. This is not an exercise in suffering.

Thankfully, we brought chips to snack on and music to listen to. As we work on the fire and prepare the vegetables for roasting, conversation swings far and wide – the past, present, future. In between conversation that flows only the way two old friends who don’t see each other nearly enough, I learn about camping. How does this work? What do you do about this? What’s your favorite kind of that?

Night creeps over the camp, but it’s hard to tell for awhile because those city lights maintain a perpetual twilight to the south.

Finally, we eat something so delicious, mostly because we waiting so patiently for it to sizzle in it’s tin foil in the hard-earned embers. Marshmallows come after, with squares of delicious chocolate.

After midnight, exhausted, we crawl into our sleeping bags, still in the middle of all those sounds, but it’s quiet in the late hour. Warm and cozy, my mind is quiet for the first time in what feels like months, just soaking in the cool air on my nose, the warmth in the bed, the subtle sounds outside the tent.

img_69511Sleep, better than I usually sleep, comes easily, probably because we stayed up so late, partly because I feel surprisingly safe. And partly because my cat isn’t purring in my ear for a 3 a.m. scratch behind the ears.

It’s bright when I wake up, but filtered through the tent, I feel cozy and snug, like it would be okay to laze around in bed like I do at home on a Saturday morning.

Quick trip to the semi-modern bathroom, then light up the stove for eggs. It was warm in the tent, but the cool morning air sends a chill through me, and I’m thankful for the heat. We’re quiet in the morning as we wake up, a routine we got used to back in college as roommates. Oh, how I miss the easy flow of that time.

We undo everything we worked so hard to construct the night before – sweep the tent, pull stakes, fold, fold, fold, roll. Then, almost suddenly, everything is packed away in neat packages how we brought it all in. Haul it all back to the car, everything neatly in the trunk, day packs out and water bottles filled.

Ready for the next adventure – an 8 mile hike on rocky ground to see dinosaur footprints. It’s warmer by the time we start hiking, and I’m glad I shed my sweatshirt. Through the trees, the conversations continue – hiking, flowers, birds, trees, places we dream of, places we loved visiting, philosophy on travel and relationships and jobs and careers and the intense pressure from all sides to not miss out on a single moment of this glorious and precious life.img_69741

At the top of a ridge, we look down and see the footprints from so long ago. Across the way, clouds hover above the next treeline. We are on top of the world, but also nestled into this little pocket.

And there it is – this moment is incredibly unique, and we are one of a kind. Yet, we also are so insignificant. This moment is everything and nothing. And that’s the beauty of nature.

Castles Part 2: Singer Castle


View of the castle as you exit the boat

After exploring Boldt Castle (go read Castles Part 1 if you missed it), we hopped on another boat and rode for about an hour to Dark Island, home to Singer Castle.

Riding along the St. Lawrence River feels surreal, like we were transported to an alternate universe in a storybook. I’ve always lived in landlocked places with little water culture. Sure, I know people with boats and houses by the lake. But to travel down water wide enough that you aren’t quite sure if you’re seeing islands or the main land, dotted with houses on rocky outcrops, I knew we were headed somewhere a little mythical.


Every window has a view like this

We bounced along the river, always on the United States side of the buoys that mark the Canada/New York border, until we started to see a bright red roof in the distance on one particular island. Dark Island, where Singer Castle sits, is not dark at all. It’s bright and lovely and one could reasonably watch the sun rise in the United States and set in Canada every day of the year. If you lived there. Which would be terrible in the winter because the river freezes, and I’m not sure how you get to the store for coffee and soup and dog food.


Secret Staircase

Singer Castle was built by Frederick Bourne (no relation to Jason, I assume), the fifth president of the Singer Sewing Machine Company. The castle is dotted with historic Singer sewing machines, all in pristine condition.

But the most important thing to know about Singer Castle must be confronted immediately: there’s a secret fucking staircase. So many of my childhood dreams came true when I found out and witnessed this staircase. It goes up roughly through the center of the house, so many of the rooms can be accessed by the stone steps.


One of the many guest rooms in the castle

So, let’s say, you’re a fancy pants Bourne relative, staying at Singer Castle, and you suddenly, in the middle of the night, get a hankering for some cookies or milk or maybe a chat with a maid. You could ring a bell, and a servant would come up through the secret staircase and bring you whatever you wanted! Magic!


Singer Castle’s backyard

Back to reality: Dark Island was designed and built as the ultimate playground for visitors. There was a squash court, a rose garden, boat house, library, tennis court, hunting and more.

The castle was inspired by the novel Woodstock by Sir Walter Scott. Hence the secret staircase. And dungeon. And towers. The Bourne family used the castle for many years as a summer residence, and they put a premium on entertaining their guests. After Frederick died, his daughter, Marjorie, took over ownership, and she and her family continued to spend summers on Dark Island until her death. After that, the island and castle changed hands several times to different charitable organizations (including one period where it was rumored to be owned by a secret society) until 2001, when it was sold to a tour company that continues to work on restoration and preservation of the island for tourism.


Boat house

To recap: I’m not saying I want to live in a castle because there are plenty of really annoying things about castle life. Servants sneaking up on you through the secret staircase and watching you through panels in the walls. Visitors asking you all sorts of pesky questions. Cleaning a house with a million bedrooms. Figuring out how to buy dog food in February.

But what home doesn’t have its problems? Life in a castle is still life. So maybe live life in a castle with a SECRET STAIRCASE!



Castles Part 1: Boldt Castle


Boldt Castle, Heart Island, New York

Did you know that there are two castles on United States soil that are so glorious and wonderful and mysterious that I want to crawl up inside the attics and stare out the window? There are probably actually more than two, but this summer I had the glorious opportunity to visit two castles in the Thousand Islands region of New York.

The first one we (me + some family + family of family) visited is Boldt Castle on Heart Island, which sits in Alexandria Bay. A quick 10 minute boat ride took us from the mainland to Heart Island, which is actually in the shape of a heart.

The Island was owned by George Boldt, a New York City millionaire associated with the Waldorf Astoria Hotel. George and his wife, Louise, spent many summers on the island in the early 1900s, and they had a lodge there that appeared to be roughly the size of a modern-day mega-mansion.


All the doors and windows were open to a cool river breeze



Alas, a private island (uh, make that multiple private islands) were not enough for Mr. Boldt, and he set out to build an actual castle on Heart Island. He planned to give it to his wife on Valentine’s Day of 1904, but barely a month before, Louise died. Construction on the castle stopped immediately, and George never went back to Heart Island.

After decades of neglect, the Thousand Islands Bridge Authority purchased the island and began restoring it for visitors and posterity. They kept as many details as possible from the original plans, and the different rooms are set up meticulously in the style of the day.


Amazing detailed work throughout the castle

As you climb higher and higher into the castle, restoration is not complete, and you can still find graffiti from the years of abandonment.


Nonetheless, it’s a gorgeous property, everything decorated in hearts and harts (the original name was Hart Island; George altered the physical shape of the island to resemble a heart before renaming it). But there’s also a haunted feeling to the space. You walk into the ballroom and imagine the parties and laughter… and realize there was never any grand parties like in The Sound of Music or My Fair Lady. As you explore the bedchambers and find quaint window seats and imagine curling up with A Midsummer’s Night Dream, just to realize no one sat there pretending to take in Shakespeare and instead stared out the window enjoying the St. Lawrence River breeze.


The Play House


Parts of the island feel lived in and loved. The playhouse (a baby castle in its own right) was used for several years before Louise died, and the vibe is different. It’s not refurbished, but it doesn’t feel sad.

The power house on the island is connected by an arched bridge from the island, but the structure itself looks as grand and magical as anything in the main castle. When arriving by boat, the power house is the first thing that sticks out, jutting away from the island. The trees surround the castle, but the power house is very noticeable.


The utility closet


Boldt Castle and Heart Island were such a surprise. From pristine landscaping to the musty and creepy tunnels under the castle, Heart Island sparks the imagination – what was, what could have been, what will be? And, of course, how many maids would it have taken to keep the place clean?

Finding My Voice Back


Photo thanks to the talented Rachel Florman

I’m ashamed to say that I haven’t written much over the past year or more. Not just on the blog, but also in normal life.

Since I was probably 7 years old and still learning what made a sentence, writing has been part of my daily life and part of my identity. I wanted to write novels more than anything, and I spent a great many hours writing fiction stories, usually about horses, but sometimes about princesses or adventure or boys or all of the above.

I chose journalism in college mostly on a whim, and my writing became more structured. I learned about deadlines, AP style and how to write a functional news article. During and after college, internships helped me hone my skills, but it wasn’t until my first full-time job out of college that the volume of writing I did – including honest and in depth feedback from fantastic editors – started me down the path of a story teller.

Many articles were still a struggle, but in the fast-paced environment of a weekly news magazine, there was no room for angsty pondering. Get it done. Make it good. Polish, primp, publish.

But life as an equine journalist is not for me, as I learned over the course of three years in the industry. I love horses, but working in the industry all day left me disinterested in pursuing it as a hobby. Within months of leaving the industry, I was back in the saddle, hungry for each ride and enjoying every moment at the barn.

But with my departure from journalism came a separation from the writing. A few freelance articles came and went, and life continued. Between the full-time job, the relationship, the other goals and interests, the writing faded to the background. The words weren’t as comfortable pouring out of my fingers. Journaling because an infrequent, at best, coping mechanism for dark days.

Worst was the loss of the fiction. For more than 15 years, my daily life involved characters and plots floating around my head like a delightful background conversation. But they faded over time, until they finally just weren’t there any more. None of them were there, not even old favorites I’d conversed with on and off for years.

I’m not crazy. Read Big Magic, and you’ll know what I’m talking about. I think the ideas, the projects, simply began to recognize that I would not help them be created. They saw that I was not willing to engage.

But then, the funniest thing happened. The other day, I was going about my life, and I was hit with a sledgehammer of a character. And holy crapola did that character jump off my fingers and onto a page faster than I could have imagined. And then came another character, and another. They were all intertwined, and I forced myself to not worry about details like names or descriptions. I just wrote what happened one day when they all started interacting and sparks f;ew and people yelled and laughed and were delightful fictional characters, the type with whom I’d never actually want to be friends because they’re a little over the top and a little out of my league, but they are mine because they came to me demanding to be created, at least a little tiny bit, and I obliged.

So where am I going with this?

All this rambling has a point, but also no point at all. The point is that I’m still finding my voice back. After such a long time I started to not even notice it was missing, and now I’m working on putting figurative pen to figurative paper and see what comes out of my fingertips.

Sometimes, this blog might be about travel. Sometimes, it might be about writing. Sometime, I might even tell you what made me lose my voice, but only if I figure that out first.

Follow along if you like – maybe someday soon I’ll be able to start sharing the other projects I’m working on. Maybe I’ll start showing you the photos I’ve been taking or the maps I’ve been pondering.

But for today, just please believe that I’m trying really, really hard to find my voice back. It’s not perfect – it never was – but it’s also very scratchy after not being used for so long. It’s uncertain and faltering, but it’s my voice, damn it. And I don’t want to lose it again.

Sand, Sand Everywhere

IMG_6732I used to take day trips all the time, but Midland, Texas, doesn’t have a lot of options for short excursions. It’s in the middle of everything… which is West Texas means it’s far from everything.

However, Monahans Sandhills State Park is a gem of picturesque dunes in the midst of flat, mesquite-dotted desert.

Although renting sleds to slide down the dunes is a lot of fun, on this particular trip, Flynn the Dragon and I just went and wandered and played. Dogs are welcome, as long as they stay on leash, and the park rangers will scold you for disobeying. However, I’ll confess I let Flynn romp around a little to get out some good energy.

The magic of the sandhills is that they are such a surprise. You pull in by the sign, pause at the visitor’s center, wondering if it’s all it’s cracked up to be. From the road, it looks like the rest of this part of Texas. As you follow the drive winding back away from I-20, you start to see glimpses, but the skepticism persists.IMG_6725

Then, you pull into the picnic parking area, are you start to see the prize: crisp, smooth hills, one after another after another, off into the distance, an occasional brush or tree interrupting the pristine landscape, but mostly just something straight out of a movie.

When you look closer, you start to see small tracks by bugs, snakes and birds. You see deeper impressions from people who walked there even just minutes ago, but mostly, it’s just marked by the wind making tiny, intimate wrinkles.

Go visit. Enjoy. Take water. Take a camera that doesn’t matter if it gets a little sandy.


Want more photos? Visit me on Instagram @mbrincks989